Go to How Not to Build an Addition Index! This page includes notes on methane gas.

HOW TO FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH METHANE GAS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

As eventful as it had been, my day was not over yet. When I got home, a familiar and unpleasant smell greeted me at the door. I groaned. I would have pounded my head with the palm of my hand to chastise myself for stupidity if I had not already been inflicted with enough pain in that vicinity.

One whiff and I realized that the odor I had been bothered by was gas seeping from the gaping holes I had cut into the main drain stack. Even in my less than coherent state, I remembered that the primary gas produced by sewage waste was methane. Methane is also known as NATURAL GAS. Natural gas has a tendency to ignite or even explode when a spark is set to it.

My muscles and my head called out for me to rest. (They say there is no rest for the wicked; there is no rest for the mentally deficient either.) I only passingly considered calling the fire department to handle the situation. Well, it hasn't blown up yet, I thought. Holding my breath, I rushed into the house and plugged the main drain with a kitchen towel. I threw open the windows to ventilate the house. I was careful to avoid unnecessary sparks by switching any lights; I could imagine no more horrible death than to be blown to smithereens in a house full of fart gas.

When I could breathe the air, I moved away from the window and went to work. I slipped either end of the plastic tees into the mission transition no-hub shielded couplings. These I subsequently attached to the metal pipes. I did not forget to plug the open tees, nor did I forget to collapse on the sofa when I had finished.

When Robin came home from work that afternoon, she saw my bloody, corpse-like form stretched out on the couch. She thought I was dead until I raised my head. "My goodness, Bill, what happened here?"

"Well..." I began to explain.

She whisked the pillow from beneath my head. "Can't you be more careful; you got blood on this pillow!"

I whined pitifully, but it was to no avail. Robin dragged me into the bathroom and gave me a good scrubbing down. When she commented on the odor, I did not tell her that it was the remains of dissipated methane gas and that I had almost blown up the house. To keep her from becoming unduly alarmed (and to keep her from thinking she had married a moron), I let her believe that the foul stench in the air had come from me. In any event, I was compelled to explain to her the nail hole in my head. There was too much evidence to gloss this one over.

As I told her a story that could not inspire her with confidence, I made a point of mentioning the Mission transition no-hub shielded couplings. Her eyes immediately glazed over; I realized I need say no more. I was back in good graces.

I was ready, if not particularly willing, to begin work on the next phase of the plumbing operation: the drain pipes leading to the fixtures.

Next Page

Plumbing:
Poop
Waste Drain
Pipe Cutter
Mission Transition
Methane Gas
Trap
Vents

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About the Author:
W.J. Rayment built an addition on his house, and in the course of the project learned from his many mistakes. This on-line compendium is his effort to help you learn from his experience. The advice and stories are often humorous, sometimes silly, but always informative. for yourself or as a gift for family or friends.

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