HANGING INSULATION

Insulation for walls comes with a paper face. The fiber-glass is glued to the paper at the factory. A home remodeler's job is to shove the insulation into the wall and staple the paper to the 2X4 studs so that the paper faces the inside of the room and the fiberglass faces the sheathing.

Two tools are necessary for this process: the ubiquitous utility knife and the stapler. (I tried using my extra roofing nails to secure the insulation, but I found it difficult to work in corners and it proved time-consuming.)

Staplers become dangerous in the hands of the playful. At close range, this weapon can create vicious puncture wounds. At more than a yard, it becomes a mere nuisance. My wife is fond of shooting staples into my hair as if this might draw favorable attention. Far from a smile or a bouquet of flowers, this provocative activity brings retaliatory fire. Which, of course, draws another response, so that a general engagement ensues.

For all you men who pride yourselves on your staple gun fighting ability, take my advice. In staple gun wars, it is far worse to hurt your enemy and start her crying than it is to simply surrender on the best terms you can get.

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