Metaphysics
This very secret, high-level exchange of letters between two prominent metaphysicians, William Tinker PhD and Andrew Noodler PhD, DDE, FEE, has been kept under wraps for years. It is revealed here for the first time in order to clarify certain early discoveries in the realm of quantum physics and hyper-tension.
Dear William,
I discovered a brilliant and mysterious thing! You have to try this, it'll drive you nuts:
While sitting at your desk, make clockwise circles with your right
foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction. Even when you try not to, your foot still changes direction.
Yours Truly,
Andy
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Dear Andrew,
What is even weirder is that it works just the opposite when you move your left foot counter-clockwise and write the number 9 in the air with your left hand!
As Usual,
Bill
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Hi Bill,
I discovered today that it works if you draw the number 1 instead of the number 6 as well.
Andy.
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Dear Andrew,
I think this discovery has great potential. Have you tried transcribing larger numbers in the air? How about a sequence of numbers? Or even square roots. How about quadratic equations or even calculus? Makes me wonder whether Sir Isaac Newton could have performed the feat of inventing calculus without spinning his foot in the wrong direction (say opposite the rotation of the planets).
I am going to have to look into this much deeper.
As usual,
Bill
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Bill,
Your latest insight into the rotation of the planets caused me to experience a eureka moment. Thank you.
The method used to calculate that Uranus, the only planet in our solar system which has a direct, (counterclockwise), rotation, had, up until I read your hypothesis, eluded me.
The quirky number crunching equasions used to explain the phenomenon had so far been successful in denying me any real understanding.
I will never forget the moment that I fully grasped the reality of the concept as I drew the very long and complex equasions in the air with my right hand, while determindly trying to maintain a retrograde, (clockwise), motion with my right foot. And couldn't. Eureka!
I'm not quite sure if the same practical application will work on a quantum level. If it does I will attempt to mesh Einsteins theory of relativity with Stephen W. Hawkins quantum theory, thus producing one single equasion that explains the entire chemestry of the entire universe for the first time.
I might need some help in my endeavour as the meaning of the universe has so far rendered me eureka momentless.
Andy.
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Dear Andrew,
Glad I could be of service in this matter. I think I can also help with the meaning of the universe. See if this gives you a Eureka moment...Rub your head and pat your stomach at the same time.
As usual,
Bill
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Bill,
I'll have to keep this short as I am sitting in the Accident & Emergency waiting room as I type.
I tried rubbing my head and patting my stomach, simultaneously with my right hand and right foot. As my midrif has spread with the years, adopting the position to carry out the rubbing and patting was a struggle to say the least. I suffered a severe crick in my neck and shoulder which was so painful I jerked upright and slipped a disk in my backbone, which caused me to collapse. I was knocked unconscious when I cracked my temple on the corner of a coffee table as I fell.
That's when I experienced the eureka moment. Thank you.
I saw a blinding flash of light in which the meaning of the universe became crystal clear, as if the answer was illuminated in a, er,in, a blinding flash of light. Which morphed into millions of tiny pin pricks of light. And then lots of darkness.
Unfortunately I'm suffering from partial amnesia and can't quite remember what the answer is. But I am determined to to go through the whole experience (again and again if necessary) until I can grasp the meaning of the universe and hold onto it long enough to commit it to mem, mem. Sorry, I've lost my thread.
I'd better go, the men in the white coats are crowding around me.
Bye for now,
John Doe.
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Dear John,
I read somewhere that if you wiggle your fingers and shrug your shoulders real small, while simultaneously transcribing a zero with your nose, that you can remove nearly any straight-jacket.
Good Luck,
William A. Tinker, PhD.
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Dr. John Doe (Andrew) continues to struggle with the meaning of life to this day. Hopefully he will soon solve this most ticklish of all philosophic questions.
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