NEWTON'S FIRST LAW OF DECONSTRUCTION

In working with these tools, you will observe one of the basic laws of deconstruction in action. It states: "The waste and trash produced by demolition takes up at least twice as much space as it occupied when it was attached to a home."

Before you know it, you will have siding, wood, insulation, and other junk stacked in every available corner of your yard. As a partial control measure, try out this highly recommended tool: a child between the ages of one year and three. This machine is fueled by pureed carrots, milk and an unquenchable desire to grab the nearest object to tear it to shreds. You can use a toddler in the same way that you might use a mulcher for yard waste. Simply place unneeded objects near the small person. After a few gurgles and a high-pitched "ga-ga", the object will be reduced to a size convenient for a plastic bag and ultimate transport to the local dump.

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